O homem, a voz, a legenda.

::Tim Maia was to Brazilian funk what Fela was to Afrobeat...
::A funky visionary. A cult devotee. A wild man...
::Hopefully Luaka Bop will iron out their distro woes and fall back with all the butterfly kisses...

Electric honey.

Grace and Betty would be proud.

APB: Where-in-the-HELL-is-Ann?!

Knockin' back Bailey's Irish Cream with John Legend, apparently.

Spank Rock tear the club up @ Apple 5th Avenue's Midnight Mix (9/22, NYC)

It goes without saying that the Apple store at 5th Ave. was jammed tighter than rush hour traffic this morning. Why, you ask? Guess you're just not hip enough. For the last installment in the Midnight Mix series, Apple decided to go out with a bang and bring the fellas from Spank Rock a little further uptown than they're accustomed to.



Apparently, Naeem destroyed it. Litterally. Some overzealous female patrons cleared one of the display tables used for iPods and converted it into an impromtu stage to shake some ass on (they were probably following Naeem's lead). Apple security was less than pleased with his table dance and tried to pull him down. But after a tussle ensued between Naeem's entourage and Apple security, Naeem supposedly yelled "Yo, everybody steal everything!" Whether he was joking or not, many took heed and began cuffing merchandise left and right. And with a crowd this size, it goes without saying that there would be some expected "casualties." In the midst of the mayhem, some sticky-fingered hipsters were even brazen enough to dismantle the following from the security wires and walk out of the store: one iPod Touch, several iPod Shuffles, two 80 gig iPod Classics, and 4 iPod Nanos. Nice. Just make sure to use plenty of Goo Gone for the adhesive residue on the back.





Of course all in attendance were in their best hipster high fashion threads. Trust me, the amount of Supreme gear and SB dunks in that place could have kept an Asian labor camp busy for at least a year.



But, alas, I missed all the brouhaha (and only by a few minutes, too). Apparently, the performance was cut short at 1 AM due to capacity issues and an overly aroused crowd. Even though Naeem stepped off the mic and supposedly dashed off to another gig, the DJ kept rocking. Between insighting theft and a quasi riot, graffiti tags scrawled on the expensive imported Italian stone floor in silver and gold Sharpie, and performing an unadulterated version of "Put That P*ssy On Me," it's safe to say that Spank Rock need not worry about being invited back for another Apple function.



Spank Rock is an acquired taste. Either you love them or you don't. Their sound is like a mash up of Baltimore club trax and ghetto tech. I been lovin' Baltimore club trax since "Get the Hand Clap" and "Hey You Knuckleheads." WAY before the recent transplanting of club trax by the Hollertronix crew to hip cities across the country. In other words, I remember when it was uncool outside the Baltimore area. Does that make me an early adopter? Naw. I just grew up not too far from Baltimore, so I was informed by default. But more than anything that piqued my curiosity was how the largely white hipster crowd was jamming along with Naeem's socially provocative lyrics like "shake it till my d*ck turns racist" and "I create/ styles of a superior taste that/ some white boy's sure to imitate that." Guess I'll have to have a pow wow with Bakari Kitwana about that one. Not familiar with Spank Rock? Google 'em.

.:Public access TV makes an ass out of you and me:.

Ya know...it never ceases to amaze me how people sit and rant about how there's never anything good to watch on TV. Most of the time we just channel surf through the 100+ cable stations that are more or less predictable in content. After a while, that shit gets real mundane. So why not stop your bellyachin' and flip over to your local public access TV station. Aside from the obvious amateur camera work and drab sets, the shows on public access have more comedic value than the funniest episode of Family Guy. Don't believe me? Watch this:


John Daker is a soldier. For real. This dude obviously had no on-camera experience, yet Mr. Daker STILL managed to keep a poker face throughout his whole performance. Ok, maybe diarrhea face is more like it. And even though he missed a line here and there, it added to the overall effect. Seriously, this could have been a skit on SNL (when it was still funny). And let's not forget Mrs. Reva Cooper. Something about this lady strongly suggests she may have knocked back a few before she came on set. In short, this two and a half minutes of entertainment from this starched, church-going brood was more fulfilling than Britney Spears' MVA fiasco.


WARNING: EXPLICIT CONTENT, Y'ALL!!!


Alexyss K. Tylor is one of a kind. Homegirl redefines the term "real talk." She embodies the straight forward candor of Lawanda Page and Millie Jackson, the research of Dr. Ruth, and the militant spirit of Sista Souljah, making for a very engaging character. Interestingly enough, she makes it work. And please believe this ain't homegirl's first or last video. Google her and you'll find out. Even though most of her research is probably grassroots (read: street) based versus academic, alot of what she says seems to ring true with most of my female friends who've seen this. Hell, some of them even said they'd rather watch her over Oprah. Some folks might say, "How did she get a show with such explicit content?!" Man if Robyn Byrd got herself a show, then ANYBODY can! BTW...the older lady on set with Alexyss is her mama...



Everybody's got an uncle like Darondo. You know the one that comes to the summer family cookouts dressed in a leisure suit accented with an ascot. Sporting a pinky ring big as a house and a gold tooth that blinds small children when it catches the sun. Ah, yes. The OG playa pimp. If you can relate, then your uncle was definitely cut from the same cloth as Darondo. This is an excerpt from his 80s public access TV show based in LA. Everything about this set up screams porno. At any given moment, you just know a menage trios is going to jump off. But Darondo keeps it playa. A suave, debonair ladies man for all seasons. It's safe to say that him and Bishop Don "Magic" Juan used to run together back in the day. All jokes aside: Darondo might be a trainwreck of a TV host, but he can sang his ass off. Check Ubiquity Records' website for the reissue collection of some of his funkiest 70s tracks.